Tips to Help Iowans Avoid Thanksgiving Table Tensions

As families gather across Iowa this week, many will be reconnecting with relatives they haven’t seen in months — and sometimes that means navigating conversations that can quickly get tense. University of Iowa professor and psychologist Michele Williams says a little preparation can go a long way toward preventing political arguments from derailing the holiday.

Williams recommends thinking ahead about positive, neutral conversation starters — ones that steer clear of topics like the economy, gas prices, health care, or inflation.

“Think about the topics that might come up, and view these conversations as a chance to better understand your family members,” Williams says. “Thanksgiving isn’t the time to try to convince relatives of your political views.”

To keep discussions calm, Williams suggests approaching every interaction with patience and curiosity, especially when sensitive issues arise.

“Think of this as a dialogue, not a debate you need to win,” she says. “Ask questions like, ‘What makes you think that way?’ It may help you understand the assumptions behind their views. Thanksgiving isn’t the time to change someone’s mind.”

Some families avoid conflict by mutually deciding to stick to safe topics — football, kids, or shared hobbies — and leaving politics aside for the day.

“We need to listen more,” Williams says. “Americans are good at talking and debating, but we need to shift toward dialogue — being curious about the other side. Listen with empathy and grace.”

Williams is a professor of management and entrepreneurship in the University of Iowa’s Tippie College of Business and a psychologist specializing in communication and relationships.